Sunday, May 13, 2012

Loved ones...

The ode to my momma is a little different from the rest that I've read about today on the social media outlet, Facebook. Something happened to her along the way and was a changed person by the time I came along. I wondered why daddy worked two jobs and was rarely home except for overnight. They hated each other and fought constantly. This, I queried, is what love and marriage was all about? Come to find out when I hit my early teens,... my daddy had kept a mistress across town for years before I was born and was helping her raise her 4 kids...I think with 3 different daddys, him being one of them, and that a son that momma wanted so badly to give him but could not.

Beings I was the last of the clutch, I often wondered that if I hadn't come along, momma wouldn't have felt so paralyzed to remain in her domestic situation for as long as she did, but there you have it, the damage was done. We all make choices, but if you're the mommy (or daddy!) in a loveless marriage, you need to get OUT, preferably BEFORE your children are forever screwed up. (just a suggestion, because I speak from experience, OK?) I've done the best I can do with my life, with what I have left to work with.

Good news is, I spent some quality time with her 4 days before she died. She had had a stroke and was uncommunicative. She could hear me but couldn't speak. Instead of jumping up and down on the bed and questioning her for her slew of bad life choices she made (like I did when she was alive), I did reflexology on her feet and scratched her head; I sang Amazing Grace to her A capella and the wonderful black ICU nurse came in to help me with the second verse that I couldn't remember and kept apologizing for and I thanked my momma for loving me the only way she knew how, so she went out knowing that I wasn't mad any more. It's tough to nurture when you don't have the skills...

It's not just about momma...I miss my daddy and Ted and now Bill's been gone three days so I guess he's gone, too. Yes, everyone you love will go away from you. It’s inevitable. Tell those you love that you love them every day and twice on Sunday, OK? ..m.

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